Is It Normal? When Your 10-Year-Old Starts Asking About Girls or Boys' Bodies

"Why can’t I see what girls’ private parts look like?”

If you’ve heard a question like this from your 10-year-old lately, you’re not alone. These moments often catch parents off guard, especially when they come out of nowhere, like on the way to the pool or during a sibling’s playdate.

But here’s the thing: this curiosity is normal. In fact, it’s a sign of cognitive and emotional development.

Understanding the Curiosity

By ages 8 to 12, children are beginning to grasp the idea that boys and girls have different bodies, roles, and boundaries. They're becoming more socially aware, more observant, and more curious about how others are different from them.

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), it’s developmentally typical for preteens to express curiosity about anatomy, reproduction, and privacy. Kids this age may ask:

• “Why do girls have to change in a different room?”

• “What’s the difference between a penis and a vagina?”

• “Why do girls have breasts?”

These questions aren’t perverse, they’re exploratory. And how you respond matters more than you might think.

Why the Right Response Matter

When a child senses that their question makes you uncomfortable, they may:

• Feel ashamed of their curiosity

• Avoid coming to you with future questions

• Seek answers from the internet or friends (often inaccurate or inappropriate)

That’s how innocent curiosity can take a wrong turn into misinformation, or even exposure to content that isn’t age-appropriate.

A 2022 report by Common Sense Media found that 58% of tweens (ages 8–12) have already encountered online content that is either violent, sexual, or otherwise not intended for their age group. When kids don’t get clear, safe answers from trusted adults, they will often look elsewhere.

So, How Should Parents Respond?

The goal is to create an open, calm, and factual dialogue that keeps the door open for future conversations.

1. Don’t React with Shock or Shame

Even if the timing is awkward (like during swim day), try not to shut the question down with:

• “That’s inappropriate.”
• “You’re too young to ask that.”
• “Don’t talk about those things.”

Instead, acknowledge their curiosity:

• “That’s a good question. Let’s talk about it when we’re home and can give it proper attention.”

2. Use Age-Appropriate, Accurate Books

Give your child access to books with scientifically accurate anatomy diagrams of both boys and girls. Here are a few trusted resources:

These books are written with kid-friendly language, offer inclusive visuals, and reinforce values like respect, privacy, and consent.

3. Use Clear, Scientific Terms

Avoid euphemisms like “down there” or “your thing.” Use anatomically correct words:

• Girls have vulvas, vaginas, and breasts

• Boys have penises and testicles

This not only teaches correct information, it helps children communicate clearly and seek help if needed in unsafe situations.

4. Explain Privacy & Boundaries Logically

You can explain gendered changing rooms or separate bathroom use in a non-moralizing, age-appropriate way:

• “Most people feel more comfortable changing around people with similar bodies. It helps everyone feel more private and respected.”

Use this moment to reinforce boundaries:

• Your body is your own.

• No one is allowed to touch or look at your private parts without permission.

• You are not allowed to ask others to show you theirs either.

5. Keep the Conversation Ongoing

Sexual development isn’t a “one and done” talk. It’s a series of conversations that evolve with your child’s understanding.

Let your child know:

• “I’m always here to answer your questions. You can ask me anything, and I’ll be honest with you.”

You don’t need to sit them down every week for a “talk.” Often, the best conversations happen during everyday activities, walking the dog, driving to school, or building something together.

Spending quality time without pressure can open doors. For example, building a Sillbird robot kit together gives kids a creative outlet, a confidence boost, and a safe space to ask questions organically. These shared moments help you stay emotionally connected and keep the lines of communication wide open.

What If You’re Still Unsure?

If you’re feeling anxious or don’t know how to start, you’re not failing. In fact, reaching out, reading this post, and preparing for these moments already puts you ahead.

You can also ask your child’s pediatrician or school counselor for support. They’re trained in age-appropriate health education and can recommend resources tailored to your child’s needs.